Passport to Limp-lico

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Here’s another one from the madness called Great Britain … I’ve been waiting three weeks now for my new passport to arrive. And this morning it did!

But guess what – the delivery man wouldn’t let me have it until I showed him both my driving license AND my passport!

“I can show you my driving license,” I said. “But not my passport, I’m afraid.”

“I’m sorry sir, I need both forms of I.D.”

“Well, let me have the envelope and I’ll get my new passport out and show it you.”

“I’m sorry sir but I need to see your I.D. Before I can hand anything over.”

Hmmmm, I thought … if I have to kill him for being an idiot, without a passport I can’t even flee the country!

He looked at me with obstinate brain-dead eyes, a man of authority in a big yellow safety jacket and waterproof pants.

So, I changed my tack and asked if two household bills would do the job?

He pondered, then checked something on his hand-held delivery man’s computer, pondered some more, poked his hairy ear with his delivery man’s electronic pen, looked at the envelope, pondered … then said: “It really needs to be your driving license and your passport … it’s the rules.”

The spectre  loomed heavy over his head again and this time perhaps he sensed it … he pulled himself up to his full five feet three inches, rocked a little on his big rubber safety boots and said: “I’m very busy sir, there are people waiting for their passports so, under the circumstances I’ll accept two household bills but in future I would advise …”

He rambled on pompously about the rules and didn’t even notice as I went back into the house to find some alternative forms of I.D.

I found two bills but unfortunately they were in my wife’s name. I took a chance and presented them to him – he looked at them blindly, handed me his delivery man’s electronic pen and held out his delivery man’s computer to sign.

I scribbled on it ‘You idiot!”

He handed over my passport,  thanked me for my co-operation, jumped into his little yellow delivery van and drove off into his own little world of delivering things.

Leigh G Banks

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