Is this what you really want for your child?

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Let me begin by saying this is my story of how Parental Alienation and abusing a child’s mind can be the most powerful way to ruin somebody else’s life.

But I am not telling my story for sympathy; I am talking about what I went through to educate people about how parental alienation can affect your child’s whole life. Using your child to hurt your ex could easily set the child on the path of negativity, depression, anxiety, feeling worthless and unloved … is this really what you want for a child?

I was five years old when my dad went out of my life … I remember it so vividly,   I was holding his hand through the letterbox crying, wondering what was going on and why I wasn’t allowed to open the door. No matter what quarrels my mum and dad had between them, should I have been the one who was punished?

A child is born innocent and full of love, they do not know hatred or sadness. These things are taught to them. The first voice a child hears is its mother’s, inside the womb – the bond is so strong the child will believe anything its mother says.

And this is how a child can be so easily manipulated. The one person you do not expect to hurt you is your mother.

So, because I loved my dad, looked like my dad and maybe reminded my mum of my dad and refused to  call another man dad meant that I felt I was being treated differently to my siblings.

I remember waiting by the window hoping he would come back. But there was no sign of him … the phone would ring and I would run to it. But I was mostly disappointed that it wasn’t him.

But when I would pick the phone up and I would hear his voice I never felt so happy. But no matter how happy I was, I always ended up in tears, because of the problems between them.  I was five years old and slowly our contact was stopped completely.

My mum had a new partner quite quickly and suddenly there was this strange man living in our home but I couldn’t bring myself to call another man Dad, even at that age.

Slowly I started to feel pushed out. Me, my sister and step-sister would get the same presents at Christmas to make it look like we all got treated the same. But things weren’t working out and slowly lost touch with members of our family. I loved my grandparents so much it was awful knowing they were just round the corner and I wasn’t allowed to see them.

My uncle lived near too – and my aunt and my cousins lived on the next street to us.  We lost touch.

As I grew older the empty space inside me grew and I started to believe the words that were shouted at me on occasions. If I answered back my step-dad’s daughter would say “don’t speak to my dad like that, go live with your own dad”.  Sometimes my step-dad would say things like “do you think your dad would put up with you? Why don’t you go live with him? But you don’t even know where he is he walked out and left you”.

I was told he didn’t love me because I didn’t get a birthday card or anything and was told that my step-dad would work all hours to buy me gifts but he didn’t have to because I wasn’t his daughter.

It got to the point where I felt like a babysitter to my younger siblings and an outsider from the family and my friends.

Then one of my friends from upper school became my safe zone. I loved going to her house, her mum and dad treated me like their own daughter. I was practically living with them through upper school which made me feel a lot better. I felt wanted.

I never cried or let my mum and step-dad see that they had hurt me. But I was broken so many times I thought the only way out was death. I used to question myself, why didn’t my father love me? Why did he leave me? What did I do so wrong that there is a man so angry just because I won’t call him dad?

At that time too I felt like my little sister was turning against me … she won’t remember because I’m sure she didn’t mean it…

I started to sneak to my grandparents but, because they had been alienated from my life it took ages for me to feel part of the family again. I always felt like I was doing something wrong.

A child of Parental Alienation goes through so many emotions, no confidence, depression, social anxiety, symptoms off post traumatic stress disorder. It’s like having a DVD on auto replay with the words that have been said to you repeating all the negativity over and over in your mind.

To come into this world and have to fight for your parents love is not how life should be. It is not normal.

I believe I can cope with being cheated on, domestic violence -even sexual abuse – but one thing I cannot cope with is a Liar…

I suffered years of believing my dad didn’t love me. It felt like I was grieving for someone that wasn’t even dead which was worse because when you miss someone who is deceased, it’s a passing thought. But when you miss that person who is still alive it hurts so much more … you are always wondering where they are?

Why haven’t they been in touch?

Are they happier without me?

What did I do so wrong?

 I became isolated because I was hurting so much I allowed partners to treat me badly just because I didn’t know any different.  I accepted that this way the way I should be treated.

When I finally got in touch with my dad, I saw it as an opportunity to get to know him, but also as a way of getting away from my mum’s house. I also believed my siblings would have a better life too.

And now there is my sister in Wales … she is the reason I have decided to speak out.  I do not want her going through the same rollercoaster of emotions that I did.

Now I find it hard to cry or get upset, I learnt to bottle it all up over those years, you see.  But that just made it easier for negativity to follow me in my life.

I had a car accident which left me with severe pain and disability and life became very hard, then I lost a baby because of an ectopic pregnancy… that was the last time I spoke to my mum.

This particular trauma was probably the scariest   in my life. I felt so alone again.  I tried to kill myself, drinking heavily … but then my friend rang my dad and that same day I was picked up and taken to Wales with him. Just soon as he put his arms round me I broke down, my mum rang him and told him to tell me to get a bath and when I fall asleep snap my SIM card.

I was grieving for a lost child myself, could she not feel my pain?

Even though me and my dad live miles apart, I know no matter what I go through he’s there to support me. He has had a hard life too, but I know where I get my strength from and it is him.

I will never give up on anything and will always fight for the children’s rights. I’ve learned to get through things in life but should a child really have to go through so much with no support, no love, and no family around them?

The things you say to your child stays in their mind and follows them through life, so please remember, it could actually be you who sets the wheels in motion for your child to have an unhappy life …

Could you live with yourself knowing this what you are doing by alienating a child’s parent or other family members?

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4 thoughts on “Is this what you really want for your child?

  1. I can relate to this in so many ways. I am now in my 60’s and that last day seeing my dad still lingers. I too am now very close to my dad; but didn’t find him until my late 40’s
    I still believe my mother didn’t want me; but wouldn’t let my dad have me under any circumstances. She went so far as to claim abuse to keep him away from me. She was then and remained the abuser, pairing up with a man who aided that abuse of me.
    I left home as soon as I could; but still at times had an overwhelming need for maternal approval. It never happened.
    I confess that the biggest relief of my life was the day I found out my mother was dead.

  2. Hi Leigh
    PA can not only ‘…be the most powerful way to ruin somebody else’s life.’ It is also one of the worst things that one human being can do to another.
    One president of the family court after another has stated that severing a parent / child relationship is the worst thing the state can do to its citizens since the death penalty was abolished. It is no less drastic when the severence is done by another parent.
    When one factors in the sheer malice and spite behind the false accusations and fabrications which almost always go arm in arm with the unjustifiable severence of a parent child / relationship we have a glaring example of some of the worst human behaviour imaginable.
    All too often the only justification, for putting parents and children through such living hell, is to provide an acceptable excuse for having behaved in such a repugnant way in the first place. It becomes no more than pathetic attempts by liars to salvage some credibility and dignity having behaved abysmally.
    People that alienate their children and their families need to be regarded as pariahs and social outcasts. They are simply not fit to breath the same air as decent and genuinely loving parents.

  3. I just wish the experiences of Parental Alienation, that you amazing people have come through, could be shared with government, cafcass, social services and judges. Maybe then parental alienation will be understood for what it is. Mental health is being acknowledged and understood today in all its forms and Parental Alienation surely should/must be at the top of this list. Thank you for sharing your life story, you are a very special lady.

    1. Thank you it opened many closets that I’ had nailed shit but now I’ve learnt to deal with the painful things I went through and can now move on hope people can learn something from this

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